‘So this is the reality: Since we will not give up what is rightfully ours, we know we will be facing water cannons till the waters of the Pacific dry up.’
THE recent water cannon incident involving several Chinese coast guard ships and one of our very own has made it clear to me that we should accept a hard reality: China will continue to water cannon our ships that travel from our islands to those parts of the West Philippine Sea that we claim as our own.
The flip side of that is the realization that water cannon to water cannons, we are no match even if we marshal all the water cannons and pistols that are used in San Juan every June 24th.
(Note to self: Songkran is coming soon… again at least another water cannon and water pistols event to look forward to!)
So this is the reality: since we will not give up what is rightfully ours, we know we will be facing water cannons till the waters of the Pacific dry up.
So time to go on a war footing and take advantage of the free showers.
Let us, for one, give our tourism industry a unique and much-needed boost by marketing “water cannon tours.” We will deck out the thrill-seeking tourists in red, white and blue raincoats that used to be endorsed by Vilma Santos. (Can you relate to this?)
If Canada and the US make tons of money enticing tourists to sail close to Niagara Falls, this will be our version. With the help of the Chinese Coast Guard, of course.
Then again, the Coast Guard may demand a share of the profits and maybe we have to agree based on cubic centimeters of water used.
Something less international but still enterprising is car wash tours. In this instance, cars would be soaped up somewhere in Pangasinan or Zambales or Palawan and then loaded onto ships for the Chinese Coast Guard to water down. A variation of this would be “laundry tours” and for sure you get my drift about how these would go.
Something far less enterprising but more socially relevant would be “taong grasa wash-up tours.” Here, we will require LGUs to round up all the taong grasa in their areas, and load them onto boats that then sail under and through the Coast Guard showers, emerging Dove-fresh on the other side. But knowing how the “taong grasa” go, they will soon be all soiled and dirty again so back on the boat they go. Money can be made here by getting various soap brands to sponsor the tours and seeing which soap is more effective in leaving no grease untouched and ending up with the best-smelling participants.
In every instance, the Chinese Coast Guard plays a critical role. But in every instance, maybe we want to be on a war footing so we can be focused on executing the tours to maximum effect.
Then who cares if the United States comes to our aid or not?
