Most of us have probably been bitter at some point in our lives – at different lengths of time and intensity. I’m thinking that it’s probably Cain of the Bible who first suffered from a disastrous case of bitterness.
Horrifyingly, Cain’s bitterness led to murder. The murder of his own brother. To make matters worse – Abel was innocent. He was just making the best offering he could to the Lord. But Cain became angry because God looked with favor on Abel’s offering, not Cain’s.
Instead of just correcting his mistake – like asking for God’s forgiveness, and maybe making another offering like Abel’s, something completely pleasing to God – Cain chose to be bitter. An idiotic choice.
A combination of envy, anger and bitterness made Cain a murderer. That should be a serious, scary warning to us! Bitterness can lead not only to physical death but also death to our peace of mind, wisdom, joy, happiness, contentment, etc.
Bitterness breeds negativity, depression, instability in our thinking and emotions, and creates a plethora of illnesses which can destabilize and deplete us. It can even kill us.
So what’s the antidote to bitterness? Here are a few crucial things that we should do.
First and foremost – we must confess our bitterness to God. We must ask forgiveness for all the other sinful things we may be guilty of because of our bitterness – like anger, envy, gossip and slander (close cousins of bitterness); lying and exaggerating (to destroy the reputations of people we are bitter against); creating intrigues, division, strife (because we want people to side with us); plus all manner of malice, sabotage, and negative talk.
Second, in obedience to God, we must forgive the people we’re bitter against. Be specific, don’t gloss over the pain they inflicted on you. Don’t make excuses for them either. Just tell God all the awful, painful things that you’re forgiving them for.
Third, leave the vengeance part to Him. This, for me, is the easiest thing to do.
We must remember that God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-just. He knows exactly what kind of wrong was done to us. He also knows exactly what kind of punishment must be done to those who wronged us. He’s the only One who can punish or discipline perfectly.
Why? Because only God is all-powerful – meaning, He has the power to avenge us to the maximum, not an iota more or less. He has the power to apply perfect justice.
That’s why God commands us: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19). That’s one of the most powerful promises in the Bible.
Furthermore, He assures us, “It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” (Hebrews 10:31) No one can punish, no one can discipline people the way God can.
Isn’t it comforting and so reassuring to know that NO ONE gets away with anything? NO ONE gets off God’s hook. Even if you see the person/s who caused you untold suffering seemingly untouched and getting away with all the evil they’ve done – that’s only temporary. One day, they will surely be disciplined or punished for all their wrongdoings.
They will suffer for all the horrible things they’ve done.
Even if they ask forgiveness from God – they will still suffer the consequences because God is all-just. God will make sure of that.
You might not see it happen in your lifetime – but it WILL happen. So you can freely forgive those who caused you pain, even if they never ask for your forgiveness. Because you KNOW (not just hope) that one day, God will surely, surely avenge you for everything – perfectly.
Faced with these facts, isn’t it clear that there’s absolutely no reason to be bitter? In fact, when we are bitter, we multiply our suffering. Because first, we sin against God by being bitter – therefore we will suffer the consequences. Second, when we harbor bitterness, we lose most of our joy, wisdom, peace of mind, etc., and so many other good things that God wants to bless us with!!!
Wasn’t it enough that we were hurt by another person? Why add self-inflicted suffering brought on by being bitter?
Finally, for our own good and lasting benefit, God commands us: “Let all bitterness, anger, wrath, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you. And be tender-hearted, kind to one another, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
We must remember that we, ourselves, have hurt others. We’ve also made others suffer. That’s why we, too, need God’s constant forgiveness, and forgiveness from others.
One last reminder: while we must forgive and be kind – never, never put yourself in a position where you’ll be fooled, victimized, demeaned, or exploited again. Never again.
Put up healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
