Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)
Many of us know that this is the first commandment with a promised reward from God. Apparently, this is of utmost importance to God. Maybe because God the Father is, himself, a parent to those who have completely surrendered their lives to Christ.
But take note. The flipside of this command is also true: If we don’t honor our parents, there won’t be a long and full life for us. And who knows if God will ever give us our own land? Our own happy place to live in? Maybe you already have your own house or property, but is it giving you problems and frustrations – rather than satisfaction and enjoyment?
This is a verse we should take very seriously because it has a life-long impact on our lives.
I can imagine how many people are living miserable, unfulfilled, unsatisfying, frustrating lives (no matter how wealthy or accomplished they are) – because they didn’t obey this command from God. They didn’t honor their parents.
The fact that God has to command us to honor our parents means that this is something we won’t do naturally. That’s why God has to command us to do it. Yes. We are selfish that way, whether we admit it or not.
Every time I write about how I took care of my mom, I always get lots of responses. Mostly in private. I guess more people can relate with taking care of their moms because their dads died earlier. So, for many people, it was their moms who took care of their dads.
Some of those who wrote to me expressed joy, satisfaction, fulfillment – that they have/had the privilege of taking care of their moms. Some talked about gratitude – how glad they were that they could repay their moms by taking care of them for years, every day, at home.
But many also recounted their hardships. The strain on their marriages. The appalling drain on their finances. The debts they incurred. The pain of bitter sibling conflicts. The missed opportunities to travel, the missed lunches and parties, the little luxuries they couldn’t afford – because they had to spend for, or stay home with, their sick moms.
And then there were those who talked about their deep regrets. Regrets that they didn’t do more for their moms. Maybe this is one of the most agonizing things. Living with regrets.
Being an only child, I had no siblings with whom to share the responsibility of taking care of my mom. So I accepted this from Day One, and prepared for it financially, with the wise and generous help of my husband, who was also my chief financier.
We spent millions taking care of my mom. But the Lord was always, always generous and faithful. For decades, we were able to get her into the best hospitals, give her the best care. By God’s grace, we didn’t scrimp on my mom. And in turn, God was never stingy with us. I believe this is part of the reward He promised in Exodus 20:12.
Maybe it was a blessing in itself that I am an only child – because I didn’t have to go through any kind of sibling conflict. Neither did I have the chance to pass on the responsibility to someone else!
It is a reality. There are people who just don’t want to take care of their aging parents.
They cold-heartedly pass on the responsibility to a sibling who’s willing to do it, and even spend for it. Or worse, some people are just so calloused that they pass on this responsibility to an in-law, who has no choice but to do it.
Yet some of these negligent people are experts at fabricating an image that they’re very hands-on with their moms – even if they’re not. A picture can carry a thousand lies. How utterly, utterly heartbreaking.
This kind of hypocrisy leaves me alternately cold… and livid. But scarier still is the thought of what God Himself will do to adults who treat their parents this way – like a photo prop.
At the end of the day, God knows. God knows if we are really taking care of our parents… or someone else is.
As Abraham Lincoln said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time. But you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.”
Only God knows the truth… all the time. And He will surely reward, or discipline us, accordingly.
