We’re at an age where reunions are a bane, a blessing, or a big blur – depending on the kind of conversations you have over a shared meal. With women, the interaction is way more complicated.
With men, I gather things are a lot simpler. As far as my husband’s abbreviated summaries are concerned, they mainly talk about about their careers, businesses, hobbies/sports, and who they hobnob with in the process.
Offspring stories might come up if someone’s child is doing well or magnificently. Some tend to exaggerate their children’s accomplishments – but, well, that’s generally forgivable. Most men, it seems, feel SAFE talking about three things: politics, their jobs/businesses, and sports. Those who are just remotely interested in sports are pressured to invent a few sports-oriented stories just so they don’t look like sedentary seniors.
My husband says that it’s customary for some bragging to go around at their reunions, so the trick is just to quietly listen, keep your opinions to yourself, and suffer through the intermittent bragging. Sooner or later, people will put their guards down and start becoming real. Especially when they go into lively discussions about their health problems.
With women, it’s a lot more complicated, of course. Whether we women admit it or not, we want to look visibly gorgeous (at best) or good (at least) when we go to reunions. Of course you have to seriously think about what you’re going to wear – are you going to look fat or thin in it? Should you retouch your hair colour or leave it alone? How much make-up are you going to put on? How much jewelry is attractive but tastefully discreet? (It’s in terribly bad taste to be bedecked like a Christmas tree.) Who are you going to sit with, if you could choose where to sit? And not to forget – which bag and shoes will leave a good impression?
It really takes harder work for women to get dressed for anything. But class reunions take the cake. Because these are people you grew up with! They probably saw your Worst Hair Days. And now, 40 years hence, you want them to think you’re a much better version of yourself. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s not vanity. It’s just being kind to yourself – and to them, as well.
The best people to be with at reunions are people who are genuinely interested in others.
They ask questions about you, what you do, and the people and things that are important to you. They contribute positively to the conversation. You learn something new and useful from them – and they intentionally draw out the best in you. They bring good tidings about others, and are happy to tell you about how others have succeeded. Not to make you feel envious or depressed, but to make you feel hopeful about yourself.
They don’t make innuendos about how much money they’re making. And they avoid comparing their achievements with others.’ They deftly steer the conversation away from small talk to something substantial and meaningful. These are the people who make reunions worth going to!
So be that person. Set the tone the next time you go to a reunion. Refuse to gossip. Refuse to be a purveyor of malicious tales. Refuse to gloat about the misfortune of others. Refrain from bragging and trying to impress your friends. They deserve better than that. YOU deserve better than that!
When you go to a reunion, leave people better than when you found them. Make a lasting impression that will contribute something good to their lives.
